If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

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Let’s be honest, the Mac OSes already seem to have full-fledged personalities, so why not support them in their quest for love?

We know all of you Apple aficionados already have an opinion as to which OS is best, so let’s see how that holds up in the world of (fictional) online dating:

Cheetah

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles Cheetah

“Even though I have a reputation for moving fast, I like to take things pretty slow. I’m not showy, but I’ve got solid ideals I’d love to share. Don’t let my spots fools you—I can bring a lot of new things to the table, so if you’re interested in a deep conversation about processing power, let’s get together sometime.”

Puma

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“I’m a Midwesterner with a love for the simple life. My ideal date night would include a nice stroll through the underbrush while discussing getting back to basics in this thing we call life. It’s not all about performance, you know? We’d follow it up by going home and watching a movie (anything but the Lion King) on my flashiest feature—a brand-new DVD player.”

Jaguar

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“Listen, I’ve got spots and I love to show ‘em. You’ll notice right away that I just stand out. I’m generous (like you’re getting five different versions of me you can share with your family kind of generous), supportive (I’ll even help you mail your friends), and incredibly quick on my feet. If that all sounds sweet to you, shoot me an email. I’ll get it quick.”

Panther

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“I’m not an OS that looks back, but forward. I’m all about looking ahead for what life will bring, so I don’t have a lot of time for other OSes focused solely on backward compatibility. I’m all about giving you what you need—whether that’s new and improved features, or just some sexy new apps. Sound like something you’d like to explore together? Swipe right.”

Tiger

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“I don’t know if it’s my stripes or my solid number of character features, but I’m popular and proud of it. I like to think I use my popularity for good—I enjoy relationships with older and newer OSes. To me, age isn’t anything but a number, so feel free to send me a message no matter what build you’re on. This jungle cat is single and ready to mingle.”

Leopard

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“Whatever anyone else says, I’m the whole package, plus more. Apart from my attractive interface (and gorgeous coat, if I say so myself), I’m always down to work or play. In fact, I’ve got over 300 new ideas for ways to get our feature fix together—just don’t forget to back me up. Let’s meet up and talk about the speed, security and sexiness of our budding relationship.”

Snow Leopard

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“A lot of people confuse me for my predecessor, but trust me, I’m a lot sleeker. (Who doesn’t love the beautiful simplicity of black and white spots?) I’m into refinement and poise, so while my best features might seem similar to others out there, I can tell you this much: this all only looks effortless. Send me an iChat and we’ll make plans to meet in person.”

Lion

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“No need to scroll (or swipe) any further; you’ve found your match. I’m a game-changer whose mission in this OS life is to maximize my already large paw print across platforms large and small. Life’s a stage, we Leos know. I’ve made a lot of great changes lately, so I know you’ll love me once you get to know me. Let’s change the world together.”

Mountain Lion

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“Why should you get to know me better? I’m a gentle and humble OS, and I come with a lot of perks, including stability, thoughtfulness, and compatibility. I’ll happily store your notes and save your notifications for you, but I’m not all sweet, either. I’ve got just enough spice in these amber eyes to make you feel excited and safe.”

Mavericks

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“Taurus. I like waves, sun, and surf. I’m a free thinker who believes everyone should get everything they need for free, you know? One love, one heart, dude. Sharing is caring. Swipe right if you’re into surfing waves and the web, and we’ll make something happen. Hopefully an adventure.”

Yosemite

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“I’ve been around a while (is there a category for 100+ year-old geodes?), but I only recently entered the dating game. I’m very outdoorsy, so if you’re not into long hikes and beautiful sunsets, we might not get along. I’m an old soul with a classic look and a straightforward approach to life. My friends say I’ve always got my head in the clouds.”

El Capitan

If Mac OSes Had Dating Profiles

“Call me EC. I’ve got a bit of a rough exterior, but if you give me a chance, you’ll see that I’m sensitive and secure. I pride myself on being supportive and flexible (especially for a rock formation). I’m a great multitasker, and I love learning on the fly. Hit me up if you’re just another California kid looking to shine.”


Which OS do you think would get “swiped right” the most? Vote for your favorite in a comment, below, or reach out to us on Facebook or Twitter. (Oh, and don’t forget—you can run a lot of these, along with Windows and Linux OSes, using Parallels Desktop.)

 

Parallels Desktop for Mac

In addition to serving as the Social Media Manager for Parallels, Lindsay Scarpello moonlights as a geek-culture enthusiast. A native Midwesterner, she's already loving the sweater weather and abundance of great coffee in the Pacific Northwest.