You’ve tried to run the speed test; you’ve rebooted the router; you’ve even thought about calling the Geek Squad—and then it dawns on you. You’re home for the holidays, and you have no internet. (Insert Twilight Zone creepy music here in your head.)
Here are twelve things you can do when your Internet goes down while you’re stuck inside this holiday season:
1. Try not to panic.
I mean, we know there are really important Twitter arguments happening right now, and work emails that you were probably going to ignore until Monday anyway…but they’ll wait for you until the Internet is back up, right?
It’s like your security blanket has been ripped away, and you’re left in the cold embrace of the 1980s when we all had to exist without Wi-Fi like savages.
3. Talk to your family.
We did this all the time as kids before we moved out—how hard can it be?
4. Give up and use that last gig of data left on your cell phone plan this month.
Oh blessed internet, I just need a few minutes—no, really Mom, this will only take a minute. I swear I’m listening to your story about cousin Summer’s medical malady.
5. Try to cope when you’re out of data, have no Wi-Fi and zero battery power.
Deep breath. You can handle this.
6. Watch some TV.
Try not to cry again when you realize that with no Internet access, you can’t watch the rest of Jessica Jones on Netflix.
7. Play some video games.
I’m sure your family won’t question why you have an Xbox when you’re a grown adult. “Why is it called Dragon Age?” “Why aren’t you a dragon?” “Can’t you talk to that person over there? Why did you just throw a fireball at her?” …That won’t get annoying at all.
8. Check the fridge for something exciting.
I’m sure there’s something exciting in there…right?
9. Contemplate your future.
This was a brilliant idea. WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY LIFE?
10. Cry again.
HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN 30 MINUTES WITHOUT THE INTERNET?
11. Check the fridge for something exciting again.
Surely something has magically changed in here in the last 5 minutes.
12. Flip the table when your uncle asks you if you’ve “Turned it off and then back on again?”
I HADN’T THOUGHT OF THAT UNCLE MORTY WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA.
This is your life now. Until Comcast decides to come around in a week or two. Or three.